They are annoyed by our ignorance. Of all things, especially when it comes to ordering food. Do you like Italian dressing with your salad? Well, you're gonna get only oil and vinegar at most pubs. Bacon? Nope, you're getting ham, a.k.a Canadian bacon to us Americans. When you ask for sweet viniagrette, or thousand island, the waiter is gonna look at you like perhaps you asked for blood or battery acid. I kid, but not really. Ask me about Brown Sauce. I feel like Martha Stewart traveling around with salad dressing and hot sauce in my handbag.
We are ignorant about roundabouts. As a military member or dependent, you get a short, 4-hour class on how to drive in this country. On the wrong side of the road and the wrong side of the car. The driving test for actual British folks is intensive and must be taken on a manual transmission, and they've been living with and traversing these roads their entire lives. But we get 4 hours of class and are sent out to brave driving the English countryside. Let me tell you, for those who may be curious, these roads are narrow as fuck. Shoulder? Breakdown lanes? Kiss those goodbye, along with stop signs and traffic lights. What you have are narrow as fuck roads, overgrown shrubs and hedges, twists and turns that would send a shiver down a hardened Coloradan's spine, and the lovely English people who haul ass down these roads at 60 MPH without a care in the world. Oh, and cyclists, tractors, horses, and sorts of other moving things sharing these thin roads. Americans are DANGEROUS on these roads, truth. Nothing makes you clench your stomach like driving a B road with a giant bus or lorry coming opposite. You float as you pass it, shiver, and time slows down.
Moving to Mildenhall, Feltwell or Lakenheath? All sarcasm and cynicism aside, here's some advice based on my experience, in no particular order:
- These bases are in the middle of nowhere. Be ready to drive at least 30 minutes to any kind of town with decent shopping and activities.
- That no-fee passport you got is only half useful. If you want to travel around the UK and Europe, you're going to need a standard US passport as many countries don't like accepting no-fees. See page 27 of your no-fee passport for further explanation.
- Get or have a chip card. Many places off base don't accept a simple, humble swipe debit/credit card. Might be a good idea to get an account at a bonafide British bank, too. I've had nothing but trauma purchasing goods and services online using American cards.
- Love that exchange rate...
- Bathrooms in England are tiny as a rule. Outside of some higher-end hotels we've stayed at, I haven't seen a decent sized bathroom yet. They're more like closets with a toilet and small sink. This is true for Ireland and Scotland, too. If you have a child in diapers, be ready to get creative with where you do diaper changes when you're out and about.
- Strollers. Yeah. Those biggie joggers don't do well here in most places you'll want to go. Sidewalks are narrow and bumpy, and shops are tiny. I divested myself of my Jeep jogger after a disastrous trip to Bury St. Ed's, and made due with an umbrella stroller until I found the perfect fit. You'll want light, maneuverable and stylish. Because everyone here has a super-duper pushchair.
- If you live on base, you can't really shop online at any British merchant that uses a courier other than Royal Mail. Most of them don't use Royal Mail, and Royal Mail are the only carrier allowed onto base to make deliveries. So you're basically relegated to Amazon.com, American sites, and in some cases Amazon.co.uk, depending on how they ship. This also applies to lost luggage at the airport, you'll have to arrange to meet the driver off base or pick the luggage up at a depot somewhere. Same with taxi services, there are only one or two taxi companies allowed on base. Moral of the story is that these RAF bases are on serious lockdown.
- If you're planning to live on base at Mildenhall, understand that you're internet speed will be pathetic to the point that it's almost unusable. Any online gamers in your family? The other bases have fiber, but be prepared for a lengthy waiting list. This lengthy waiting list also applies to USAF childcare (CDC).
- I was serious about driving here, and the parking. These towns are small, the roads are small and the parking spaces and availability are even smaller. If you're planning to bring your Dodge Ram, Ford Excursion, Toyota Tundra, etc, be rightly prepared to be a giant among Liliputians. Parking and driving will be cumbersome and at times impossible if you're not in a narrow, Eurocar style vehicle. Also, there's no such thing as free parking anywhere off base. We sold our Dodge and Honda and bought a beater when we got here. The we bought a new American spec hatchback once we were settled. Honestly, some people are comfortable with a right hand drive vehicle. Me, I'm happiest it my left hand drive Fiesta ST, which is small, quick and nimble and much better suited to England.
- Bringing a pet? You'll want Silver Birch Kennels & Pet Travel Agents. Use them to get your pet from the US to Heathrow, and from Heathrow to Ely, where the kennels are. Once you get your pet to the kennels, move them to Church Farms Kennels, it's 50% cheaper and much closer to the bases.
POSITIVES: (there are many)
- Market days are awesome. Cambridge is every day, Bury is every Saturday, and Mildenhall is every Friday.
- Rental cars are super cheap here. You can get by with one indefinitely. They're old as hell, but cheap.
- Ryanair. Enough said. See this part of the world flying Ryanair.
- Boots! All those European skincare brands that are a bitch to get in the States are now easily within reach at your local Boots.
- London is a quick train ride from Bury. London, of course, is amazing.
- England is beautiful. Cambridge, Bury St. Edmunds, Newmarket - all awesome towns within about 30 minutes drive. See Bath and Cornwall and Wales while you're here. Stonehenge. The countryside just outside of Bath is one of the most beautiful, wholesome places I've ever been to in my 37 years. I love the springtime here, so many flowers. This is a charming, beautiful and almost whimsical country.
